Being in a church isn’t easy, but being the Church God has intended us to be is much harder. I started attending Youth LIVE, the youth ministry of GCF Ortigas, in 2007. Eleven years (and counting) of being part of this community, God continuously and graciously challenges and refines my perception of church. In my first several years in Youth LIVE, I saw church as a venue for weekly worship services, youth activities, and ministry opportunities. On special occasions, there would be bigger events for the youth, such as concerts, fairs, and sports events. At that time, I prioritized things I did for God much more than my own relationship with Him, believing that my mere attendance and contribution to the ministry was the same as getting to know God deeply.
Five years later, a group of friends and I began to meet as a Bible study group and growth group so we could learn more about God’s Word together and stay accountable as we went through different seasons of our lives. Two years after that, toward the end of college, I began meeting with Ate Bless, who has committed to journey with me in my relationship with God as my discipler. And one year after that, God allowed me to start meeting with some younger girls to start discipleship relationships and blessed me with a more intentional accountability-partner relationship with Steph. It was through the development of these relationships (and more!) that God showed me that church is not merely a venue, but a community of Christians united by the love and grace of Jesus Christ.
What’s appealing about how I initially viewed church is that I did things according to what was convenient and comfortable for me. I could avoid any hassle that had anything to do with being real and experiencing the mess of my relationships with other Christians. But as this was challenged by the community design that God intends for His Church, this also challenged my pride and self-righteousness, especially with how I handle conflict, disappointment, frustrations, and even mere irritation against other people I am in the same community with. A number of us know that any and all communities will have their own fair share of conflict. It’s bound to happen in a group of imperfect people. And we’re not just imperfect, we’re just different, too! Haha.
A month ago, I met up with Ate Bless to catch up and I discovered of how difficult a concept God’s grace is for me to grasp. I realized that one of the narratives I live by is that I still need to earn God’s love. It is a narrative that is hard for me to let go of and one that I project onto others. Some people are easy for me to extend grace to, but there are some I think grace shouldn’t apply to. Last night, I had a conversation with my mom about these things and she reminded me that we are to extend grace, because God extends grace to them and to me. I am not perfect either. In all honesty, I felt my eye twitch hearing those words. It was a tough pill to swallow (again). This reminded me that in situations where I feel that I am in the position to forgive or extend grace, I do not do so from a ladder rung higher. I, too, am very much capable of causing conflict and of causing others to feel hurt, frustrated, or annoyed.
As I continue to reflect on this now, I realize that though I have been active in church for more than a decade and a Christian for almost two, that whatever growth and learning God allows me to experience in His timing, it is not meant to boost my own ego and pride. In fact, it is more humbling than anything. I realize that I am so blessed to be part of God’s Church, messy as it is, because I am accepted as I am, challenged and edified to live a life of worship to God, and am shown love and grace when I fail.
faith-stretching 